This is not my ceiling
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
