she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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