i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
