Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
