hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
