I just cut my nipple shaving
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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