she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
