So drunk its hurt
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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