Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
