Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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