It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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