Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
