I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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