i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
