Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
