you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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