He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i now understand why vodka
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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