do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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