I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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