i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
