i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
