ugly people sure do ruin things
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
