I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
