Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize