You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
