So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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