Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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