checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
