I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
