i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
