i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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