If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Acid is not a monday night drug
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
