i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
