YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
