that's an acceptable place to lick
i wish my penis had a tongue
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
