Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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