dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
