If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sorry about my life...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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