Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
