dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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