do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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