Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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