i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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