This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
