The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I am one with the molecules
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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