Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
babies were throwing up all over the place
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
