I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
