she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
