man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
