oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
