I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
