she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
