CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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