The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
