The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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