yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
