If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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