I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize