She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Text me some of your sweat
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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