she woke up with a sticky ear
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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