Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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