There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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