She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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