So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
