Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was born a porn star she said
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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