I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
