There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize