What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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