He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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