so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
