so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
