Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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