I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
