I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
