How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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