You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
