I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
