you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
