I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm passing your future prison.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
