What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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