I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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