So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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