i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
