I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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