Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
